Finding Your ‘Passion’
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of having a passion. Or knowing exactly what you want to do with your life and career. I recently quit my full time job at a non-profit because the work environment was so toxic and it was affecting my entire life. My mental health was not doing well. My daily existence revolved around survival to get through another day at work. I was miserable all the time, even when I wasn’t at work. I eventually got to the point where I was afraid I was going to explode on somebody, and that was not the way I wanted to show up in the world or at work. I didn’t want to become that person.
I went on to do something a person who is desperate and in a chronic state of fight or flight might do. I put in my notice of resignation with no backup plan in place. To be fair, I thought I would be moving across the country to be closer to my partner’s family. Not to mention it’s a pretty amazing excuse as to why I was leaving. But, that didn’t end up going according to plan or our timeline.
So, alas, my last day rolls around and I’m outta there. But there still wasn’t much of a plan. I suddenly found myself with a lot of time on my hands. Then, when deciding how I should proceed forward there were a lot of emotions and thoughts going on in my head. I felt angry and ashamed with myself for not having something else in place before quitting. I felt angry at my old boss. I felt angry with the universe (seemingly) leaving me to fend for myself.
It turns out having that time and space drove me a little crazy at first but eventually I calmed down and I had time to just…think…for the first time in forever. I started reflecting on my experience and what it had taught me. I came up with ideas like I want to have flexibility in my schedule, I want the chance to be creative and make something of value, I want a better work-life balance, I want to be paid what my work is worth.
I woke up to the fact that when you trade your time for money, you’re working and investing your limited time on this Earth for someone else’s dream, not yours. BUT, by working for yourself, or trying to build a side hustle or even a business would be a true investment in ME.
To bring it all back to the concept of ‘finding your passion’, for me, not knowing my passion has always been hard for me. I’m someone who likes direction in my life and a (very) straight, clear path towards whatever is meant to be my destiny. It seems like I’ve always just fell onto a path. When it was time to make major decisions (where to go to college, what to study, what jobs to apply for, etc.), I just chose whatever was right in front of me because I ran out of time to consider other options. A lot of that has to do with procrastination. But procrastination comes from not knowing what the heck to do!
But, maybe instead of our ‘passions’ being a super specific job or career path, it can be a more holistic picture of what we want our lives to look like. Our schedules, our daily routines, our values, the people who are in our lives. All of those things (in my opinion) count for way more than the specific job duties we are doing. Asking young adults how they want their lives to look instead of asking them the one job they want to do for the rest of their lives seems like a lot better question to me. Emphasizing that the life they envision is what they are aiming for, and their path can take many different routes to get there. Things can change and evolve over time as they change as people.
Since I quit my job the question of ‘what now’ has had me reeling a bit. Where I thought my path was going was into the non-profit and human services field, but that has been completely turned on its head. At least for now, I don’t see myself going back, and due to that I feel like I’m back to zero. I’m trying to cut myself some slack and just move forward with what feels right in my body and soul and see where that gets me. For me, that included starting a blog. I felt compelled to write and to create something instead of constantly consume. I wanted to create something that was my own and a true investment in myself. For now, I’ll see where it takes me.