Lessons on Repeat: What 2024 Taught Me

I’m not going to lie, 2024 was an extremely hard year. I know it probably sounds like a cliché saying that. Is there ever an easy year? But it’s true. 2024 was extremely hard, but it was also extremely enlightening. And that’s where the beauty lies, doesn’t it? 2024 felt like it lasted far longer than a year, yet at the same time, each year seems to pass more quickly than the last. One of my favorite quotes I’ve heard as an adult is, “The days are long, but the years are short”. It haunts me every time I think of it, because it rings so true.

Now that I’ve had just a little bit of time to reflect on the whirlwind that was last year- after the inevitable chaos of the holiday season- I thought I would share some capital B.I.G. lessons I learned in 2024, what I’m leaving behind, and what I’m bringing forward into 2025 with hope.

You see, I’m still young (although I can’t believe I’m nearly a decade out of high school - oof). While those with more life experience may chuckle at my naïveté, the first lesson I’m taking away from 2024 is this: You will be shown a lesson over and over (and over) again, until you learn it.

Lesson One: The Same Lesson Will Keep Appearing Until You Learn It

The second “over” happened at the very beginning of the year. In 2023, I had quit my first “big girl job” after just under two years. With that decision came the death of a version of me- the version who saw the best in the world, who had passion and deep empathy for those struggling, who believed that most people were inherently good and that if they mistreated others, there was a deeper reason behind it. That version of me faded, replaced by a more cautious, skeptical person. I still believed in the good, but now with nuance.

Losing that version of myself triggered an identity crisis (dramatic I know). I didn’t know who I was, what I cared about, or what I was passionate about anymore. I questioned whether everything I had worked so hard for- through high school, college, and now post-college- was all for nothing.

I hate uncertainty. So, although I was hurting and scared, I was determined to figure out my next step. And as painful as my experience had been, it hadn’t been for nothing. At the very least, I had learned what I didn’t want. And while I didn’t yet know exactly what I did want, I knew enough that I had to leave my first job, even though it looked great on paper and wasn't the “responsible” thing to do, 

Cut to December 2023. I was working part-time in retail (not my jam) and desperately searching for a job that I could feel good about. I had shifted my focus away from non-profit social services and back toward my lifelong passion: health and wellness.

I went in for an interview at what we’ll call “the healthcare clinic”, and I thought it went okay- not my best, but not my worst. Not bad for a girl who’d been knocked down a few pegs. A few weeks later, I got a call and I was offered the job! I was so excited! This felt like the fresh start I had been waiting for.

Until it wasn’t.

Just one month in, I knew the place was bad news. I was facing the same monster, just with a different mask. In some ways, this mask was worse. Think less passive-aggressive, more outright aggressive. 

My boss was verbally and emotionally abusive, played favorites, bad mouthed staff behind their backs, and blamed us for everything that went wrong. Mistakes weren’t tolerated- if we made one, there were consequences. It was walking on eggshells all day everyday. I dreaded going to work every day, knowing another explosion was always just around the corner. Occasionally, we’d have a “good” week (meaning our boss treated us with baseline human decency), but inevitably, the cycle would start again. We even began predicting when the next outburst would happen.

The silver lining? My coworkers. We had each other’s backs, which made things a little more bearable. Still, I couldn’t believe I was back in the same toxic situation. A different setting, different people, but the same pattern. 

Even so, I kept going back day after day for over eight months. At first, I told myself I was “sticking it out”. Then, I knew I had to leave, but procrastinated my job search because I felt so defeated. How was I supposed to explain why I was leaving again? Would I just end up in the same situation somewhere else? Was this normal? Was it me?

I was simply just trying to survive my day-to-day life, coming home exhausted, trying to recover just so I could do it all over again.

Until I hit my breaking point. 

This time, I wasn’t as strong. I couldn’t endure as long as I had at my first job. So, after just nine months at this place I thought would launch my career in health, I quit. No two weeks’ notice- I left a note and walked away. I was done.

And just like that, I was back to ground zero. No job. No backup plan. 

So, I started job hunting again. This time, I was determined to find a place where I could simply feel safe. Somewhere I could catch my breath and begin to heal. I had my long-term vision, but in the short term, I needed stability. 

I got lucky. Within a month, I started landing interviews. One was with a higher education institution. The interview went well. My potential boss seemed positive, enthusiastic and kind. They complimented my experiences and path I had taken. I felt good about it.

And unlike my past workplaces, this was an established institution. It had structure. Policies. Safeguards. A real HR department.

My trauma-scarred brain screamed, You can be safe here!

So, when I was offered the job on the spot, I took it. 

And, well…that monster I mentioned earlier? It was still there. 

Only this time, it was wearing a completely different mask- this time dressed in fancy suits, holding advanced degrees, and promising a different kind of security.

And that is where I’ll leave off for now. Stay tuned for part two, where I’ll share how this new workplace- despite seeming safe on the surface- revealed its own set of red flags. Because sometimes, the monster doesn’t yell. Sometimes, it smiles.